Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
