i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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