Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
