Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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