Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
