why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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