margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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