sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
