Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
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just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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