It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize