I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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