ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
