You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
