did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
