That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
