if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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