so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
