Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
