You made me cry and you don't even care
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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