I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
