Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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