i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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