The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
