Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
no. you can't hotbox the world.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
