if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
