just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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