i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
