It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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