I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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