I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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