just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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