I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
