oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
