Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
