So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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