You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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