aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
