Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I look better un-naked...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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