i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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