Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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