Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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