toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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