I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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