Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
