are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm at about main and main street
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
