five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
