how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
