ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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