dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
