can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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