remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
