I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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