You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
