I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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