Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Someone shattered a urinal.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
