I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
