I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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