my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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