Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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