I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize