i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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