i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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